Dictionary of stupid quotes…
Let’s face it… We often hear certain quotes and phrases which we know only applies to a minority of individuals… To the majority, it’s just pure cow patties! I’ve created this "dictionary" to correct these quotes and phrases! Well, let’s begin:
**THESE QUOTES ARE RANDOM, AND OF THOSE THAT I HAVE HEARD BEFORE! FOR ANY OF YOU WHO HAVEN’T HEARD SOME OF THE QUOTES BEFORE… WELL, TOO BAD…And if you don’t agree with what I say, send me hate mail!
1)Life Is Fair
Pfft! What rubbish! If life were to be fair, then there wouldn’t be poverty in this world. If life were to be fair, There wouldn’t be innocent people suffering from diseases… If life is fair, then who needs lawyers to fight for their rights? Let me get this point straight… LIFE IS NOT FAIR! Sure, everyone will experience times of happiness, but everyone will have their equal share of hard times as well. So, the conclusion is, life has its ups and downs.
Correction for phrase: Life is like a toilet bowl… It can be squeaky clean, or it can be full of crap!
2)Diamonds are forever
Bulls**t! Nothing is forever! Not even diamonds! Any form of matter is made out of millions of atoms or molecules bonded together. That means that when the bonds are present, the object CAN be destroyed. That includes diamonds.
I will never understand why many people love diamonds….. Don’t they know that diamonds are formed from carbon, which is the same thing as charcoal?! Carbon is like one of the most abundant elements you can find on Earth, and people pay hundreds (Hell…. Thousands!) to buy diamonds! Their explanation is that diamonds are nice and shiny and sparkly… Well, i have the perfect substitute for diamonds! If all these people like diamonds cause they are shiny and stuff, here’s what they should do:
i)Wrap a piece of charcoal in some alumonium foil.
ii)Attach it to any accessory of choice, example, a necklace or ring.
iii)Walk under sunlight or bright lights to see the nice shiny effect.
Can you imagine?! By doing this, people can save big bucks! Making one of these cause less than 10 bucks! They can use the saved money for other purposes… Shopping for new clothes, charity, or even buying their own personal coal and aluminium mines!
Correction for phrase: Diamonds aren’t forever… wear charcoal instead, and save, save, save!!!
3)Dogs are men’s best friend
You have gotta be kidding!!! Dogs are men’s best friend? Okay, let me get this straight…. When you keep a dog, you have to feed it, bath it, clean up its crap, and take it for walks, and it’s your best friend? Jeez….. If it really is men’s best friend, it would share its master’s ups and downs, as well as find ways to help ease it’s master’s burden. but NO, it is just an animal. A pet! Sure, dogs do make their masters happy by playing with them and stuff, but does that really qualify as ‘best friend’? And all those dogs that bark at me with that aggressive look everytime i walk by…. They didn’t seem to be my best friend…..
Correction of phrase: Dogs are just ideal pets… Not men’s best friend…
4)The pen is mightier than the sword
Need I say more? This phrase can be is a pure 10 kilogrammes of compressed pig parts. How can a pen be mightier than a sword? Sure, a pen can be used to stab some guys eye out or something, but the main purpose of a pen is to write. A sword, on the other hand, is made to slash and kill and stuff. If a pen were to be mightier than the sword, pens should be banned form schools and every other public area for being a substantially dangerous item. Hell… If the pen really is mightier than the sword, one would need a license to buy a pen…. The same condition required for one to own a gun. Try this:
i) Get 2 muscular guys.
ii) Arm one of them with a sword (Prefably a blunt one. Don’t want anyone dying now, do we?).
iii) Arm the other one with a pen.
iv) Let them have a round of "fencing".
Isn’t it obvious who’s gonna win?! Definately the guy with the sword. I doubt that the guy with the pen will be able to touch the other guy without being slapped on the face with the flat side of the sword. Whoever created this phrase must have lost badly in a fencing competition, and started writing bad stuff about his opponent(with a pen, of course), which probably isn’t even true. Well, maybe in the future, people will learn to forge the sword with the pen, and make a sword that could write. The only problem is….. Why the hell would anybody want a sword that could write for?!
Correction of phrase: Don’t be an idiot and defend yourself with a pen. A sword is always mightier than a pen, and more reliable.
5) Love at first sight
2 words! PURE NONSENSE! No one can fall in love at first sight! They may feel a sudden attraction to the other person, but THAT IS NOT LOVE! So, let me make this clear to the moron who created this phrase… It is called a sudden attraction, not love! Love can only be developed after 2 people get to know each other better… IF people could really fall in love at first sight, then we humans would always be afraid that we may fall in love with any random person we meet outside of home. And when that happens, we humans would have to blindfold ourselves whenever we leave home. And another important fact! If anybody could fall in love at first sight, that person is NOT worth loving, bacause he/she could easily fall in love with any random person! Think about it… Man, I hate morons!
Correction of phrase: Attraction at first sight.
6) An apple a day keeps the doctor away
What a pile of bird turd! Like, what the hell are you supposed to do? Throw the apples at the doctor or something?! Eating an apple everyday doesn’t guarantee a person’s health! In fact, eating apples frequently is gonna give the person a "runny" time in the toilet. Even worse, apples are sprayed with 162.9973 gallons of pesticides. Okay okay… I’m exaggerating… But apples do get sprayed with pesticides! And where do all these pesticides go to? Straight down our pie-hole into our systems. Doesn’t sound too healthy to me… Isn’t this only promoting a visit to the doctor?! Well, there are always some of you who would argue, saying that eating organic apples is safe, cause no pesticides are used on them. Well, allow me to point this out to you people… In case you people haven’t noticed, the price of organic stuff is bloody expensive! Not many could afford to buy them frequently… And what about the worms that you MIGHT find in the organic apples? They’re an added "bonus" to your visit to the doctor. Fortunately, there’s always me to come up with a better solution! Listen up! EXERCISE REGULARLY, DAMMIT!
Correction of phrase: Balanced meals and regular exercise keeps the doctor away… NOT some sick ass, pesticide-saturated apple!
7) Walls have ears
Need I say more??? How the hell are walls suppose to have ears? Unless you chisel them on! And even if walls do have ears, so what? It’s the ears of humans that people should be aware of, and not the ears of some bloody blank wall… And ASSUMING that the wall could hear and understand our conversations, so what?!! A wall has no mouth, so it can’t tell anything to anybody… Damn, man…. The lines people come up with nowadays… *Tsk Tsk Tsk*
Walls have ears… Well guess what? NOBODY CARES!
Correction of phrase: Walls have NO ears! And even if they did, nobody cares!
If at first you don’t suceed, try again
BOOLSHEET! Sure, this quote could apply for certain things, but most of the time, it’s fulla crap!!! There are certain times where this quote could not be applied… For example… If you don’t succeed in saving yourself from a life-threatening incident, do you think you will be able to try again and save yourself?! Of course not! Here’s a few more examples of how amazingly stupid this quote is:
1) "If at first you don’t succeed in hurting yourself, try again!"
2) "If at first you don’t succeed in getting struck by lightning, try again!"
3) "If at first you don’t succeed in getting swollowed by a whale, try again!"
What did I say? This quote is stupid, rite? Don’t be a moron! Some things are best left alone if one fails…
Correction of phrase: Some stuff are best left as it is if one fails. Don’t be a moron and attempt it again!!!’
9) Time is money
Time is money? If time really is money, I would be the richest man on earth, because I have plenty of time to kill… If time really is money, humans would no longer need to work. Just have a good night’s sleep, and the next day, your pockets are filled with money. Oh hell! Let’s go all the way to the very edge! If time were to be money, money will have no value! Do you all get my point, or do I have to repeat it to the ‘not so quick to catch a simple explanation’ ones? The fact of the matter is, time is a dimension that never stops. Money, on the other hand, is a material form of currency. How the hell is a dimension and a material form of currency supposed to be the same thing? Everyone who read this would probably do some serious brainstorming on the topic! But, I’m a nice guy. So, I’ll save you people the trouble of thinking about this topic, by giving out the correct answer! Time can NEVER be money, and vice versa! If time really is money, the words ‘time’ and ‘money’ would not have existed, and would have been replaced with a single word, for example, ‘pisa-crap’! Does that answer your question?
Correction of phrase: Time is time… Money is money… They are not the same thing!
10) You are what you eat
What a crock of jellyfish droppings! You are what you eat?! So, if I were to eat pork, does that makes me a pig? Or what if I eat some chocolates? Does that make me a bar of chocolate as well? I don’t even know who’s that "smart" to come up with this phrase… What’s more, what you eat doesn’t determine your personality! I suppose eating something like a hotdog makes me cool?! Or eating something like a rat’s arse makes me well cultured?! HELL NO! I eat to kill my hunger, and not to show how sophisticated I am! Okay… Back to the root topic… Eating something doesn’t turn a person into that thing… cause if it does, and we humans wanna remain as humans, then what the hell will we be eating?! Ugh… Makes me wanna throw up! Think about it!
Correction of phrase: You are NOT what you eat!
11) All play and no work make Jack a mere toy
You know….. Everytime I hear this phrase, I have the same question going through my head. Who the hell is Jack?! Is he really that important that he has two proverbs with his name in it?! Yes, I didn’t make any mistake in the last sentence. The other proverb with Jack’s name in it is "All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy". Anyways, back to what I was saying, is this Jack character really such an important kid? Well, I have one thing to say to him! Nobody cares who you are, Jack! If you ask me, this Jack fella is probably some spoilt brat who probably said the following line to his old man:
"Daddy! Daddy! I want 2 proverbs named after me! You better create them or I will cry and complain and stick my head into a pile of cow dung!"
Well, Jack probably grew up to be a misfit!
Correction of phrase: All play and no work makes a person a mere toy.
IMPORTANT!!! NO OFFENSE TO EVERYONE ELSE WHOSE NAME IS JACK! THE INSULTS ARE SPECIALLY FOR THE JACK IN THE PROVERB!
12) All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy
I, for one, totally disagree with this quote…… In this modern world, people can’t afford to play anymore! This is true! Here are a few examples to show you why I say people can’t afford to play:
1) Students can’t afford to play… The syllabus at schools are getting more difficult by the day. If they play, they won’t score good.
2) Adults can’t afford to play… They’ll get fired!
3) Bosses can’t afford to play… They’ll get backstabbed by their employees…
4) Wives can’t afford to play… Their husbands will starve to death!
Do you people get what I mean now? If you wanna live in this modern world, you can’t afford to play! And I can’t stress this enough…. Nobody gives a damn whether you are dull from work or not…. (For more history on Jack the little retard, refer to ‘All play and no work makes Jack a mere toy’)
Correction of phrase: All work and no play ensures Jack’s survival in the modern world!
13) Never say die
Hmmm….. Never say die? And what if I did say the word ‘die’? Will Martians start attacking Earth?! And to the dumb ones, Martians are the life-forms from the planet Mars, if any even exist in the first place! Back to what I was saying, this phrase is nonsense… If we aren’t even supposed to say the word ‘die’, then who the hell created the word ‘die’ in the first place?! ANSWER ME, DAMMIT! To the moron who created this phrase, you are saying the word ‘die’ by just reading this damn phrase, DAMMIT!
Correction of phrase: ‘Die’ is just a word…
14) Haste makes waste
Right….. And I suppose during a hospital emergency, where the doctors rush to save a person’s life, is gonna end up being a waste? How about an examination, where it’s a rush for time? Is that gonna end up a waste as well?! Owh, Let’s go crazy! In a race, where the contestants have to run as fast as possible, i suppose it’s gonna end up a waste? HELL, NO! Who the hell said haste makes waste?! What a dumbass!
Correction of phrase: Haste doesn’t make waste, dipshits!
15) To save for a rainy day
This phrase keeps me awake at night… Just what exactly are you supposed to save for a rainy day? An umbrella? Food? A house? A nice campfire, perhaps? NO, dipshit! There is nothing to be saved for a rainy day! And for some of you morons out there who say that an umbrella is to be saved for a rainy day, I say that you suck! An umbrella can also be used to shelter you from the sun, and not only from the rain. And, umbrellas are REUSABLE, no matter how poor the quality of the umbrella is, dumbass! There is no need to save it for any "special" occasion! Man, I hate morons…
Correction of phrase: There’s nothing to save for a rainy day…. Not even umbrellas!
DISCLAIMER: By sending me hate mail, you acknowledge my rights to all the contents in your message, your e-mail address, your house, your car, and your soul! Furthermore, you agree to let your e-mail address be displayed. Know that sending me hate mail will result in endless mockery. Any negative comments will be treated as hate mail. And I decide which get to be hate mail, and which doesn’t! You may not sue me for any reason, ever! This disclaimer is subject to changes without notice, and you still abide by the rules after the change! If you don’t agree, then keep your lousy thoughts to yourself and don’t send me hate mail! you got that?! Man, I hate morons!
Oh, and before I forget,
Morons, GO AWAY!
My fave member in the band is Mike Shinoda! That guy’s the rapper to beat all rappers! And he’s quite skilled at other stuffs too, like using pro-tools when recording! I wish I could rap like him!
