More stupid chain-mails on the Internet; less intelligent people in the world (I’m a genius, you are an idiot!)
Okay, so nowadays, there are more and more morons on the Internet that keep sending me spam, and posting crap on the bulletin board. This is proof that the Internet makes people stupid, and only people with strong minds and personalities (someone like me!) can truly remain sane and intelligent. With the coming of more and more spam on the Internet, the population of morons and retards aren’t getting any less either. Here are a few examples of some of the stupid stuff people post and send:
NOTE: The mails are original, and unchanged! All the way down to the spelling errors!
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Stupid mail # 1
Don’t stop reading
this or
something VERY
BAD will happen to you in exactly 5 hours and
22
minutes. This is extremely freaky. Be careful
what
you open.
During a thunderstorm …
Beth: Hey Ben! Sup?
Ben: Uhhh … nothing much about to go to a
party … haha you?
Beth: Haha nice … uhhh just staying in for the
night.
Ben: I have this huge favor to ask you …
Beth: Yeah … what?
Ben: Can you please come over and watch
my
brother for me? I won’t be able to go if no one
watches him.
Beth: Ughh … well ….
Ben: Please Beth!
Beth: *Sighs* Alright. I’ll be over in a few
minutes.
A few minutes later, Beth arrives at Ben’s
house.
Ben: Hey, thanks so much!
beth: Hehe. No problem. By the way, you look
really nice.
Ben: Thanks! Anyways, here’s my number.
Call
me in about an hour and tell me how
everything is,
okay?
Beth: Alright, bye!
Then Ben left. Beth headed over to Ben’s
younger
brother.
Beth: Hey sport!
John: Hi Beth … I’m really scared …
Beth: Awww … don’t be. I’m here. Lets turn on
some T.V.
As Beth walked over to the T.V. , the lights
suddenly went out. John freaked out and
screamed!
Beth: John, it’s okay. I have a flashlight. Hold
on,
one second. Darn it! The flashlight doesn’t
work!
Uhmmm … okay, okay, lets go up to your
brother’s room. I think he has an extra one.
John: *mumbles* okay.
As Beth and John headed up towards Ben’s
room,
they heard a creepy laughter that brought
chills
up
their spines.
John: *screams* What was that?!
Beth: John stop doing that. Let me call your
brother and ask where the flashlight is.
John: But I didn’t … *Johns voice started to
fade
away …*
Beth: Hey Ben! How’s the party?
ben: Good, thanks! Listen I got to go. Can I
call
you in 5 minutes?
Beth: Sure. But where’s the flashlight in your
room?
Ben: Oh, uhmmm … it’s under my bed, to the
left.
I think.
Beth walks over to Ben’s bed and screams.
Beth: Oh my God!
ben: What happened?!
beth: Oh, hahah. Nothing, I didn’t know you
had a
clown statue in your bedroom. It scared me
half to
death Especially the bloody knife on its hand.
It
looks so real! Where did you get it? Did you
get it
at the Halloween store?
Ben: Beth … I don’t have a clown statue in my
bedroom.
The line quickly goes dead. Ben started
panicing
and raced home as fast as he can. When he
got
home, he ran into his bedroom, where Beth
and
Ben were no where to be seen. He saw his
brother
lying on his bed.
Ben: *rolls his eyes and said to himself* I
can’t
believe Beth would play such an awful trick
on me.
He went and sat down at his computer and
pulled
up myspace. He went into his myspace
account
and checked his bulletins. I noticed that he
had a
random new friend. The profile picture was a
freaky
clown face. That made him freak out a bit.
Then he
saw that the mysterious clown friend had
posted a
bulletin called "Clowning Around". Ben
opened the
bulletin and started to read it. This was the
same
bulletin that he saw last night! He got freaked
out
and didn’t repost it.
Trembling, he got in his bed, next to his
brother
and kissed his cheek good night.
Ben: You can sleep here with me tonight,
Sport.
Good night.
Suddenly, the figure in the bed turned to ben.
Clown: Now its your turn.
Ben let out a high pitch screamed and the
clown
killed him. After the job was done, the clown
threw
Ben under the bed along with Beth and John.
If you don’t repost this in the next 10 minutes,
the
clown will appear by your bed tonight, while
you’re
sleeping and the same ending will happen to
you.
When you repost this "(name of you
school)’s ‘biatch list’. This isn’t a joke
So let me just get to the point here. This is the first clown to actually give enough of a shit about a person’s school. No, seriously! Think about it. The clown kills you if you don’t repost the mail with your school’s name on it. Of all things, why would a clown have any link to the school you are from? And honestly, If they are going to say ‘bitch’, just say it! Pussies! One more highlight: I didn’t re-post this, and it is already at night. so, if I go to sleep after this, the clown will appear and kill me. In that case, HOW IS SOMETHING BAD SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN TO ME IN 5 HOURS AND 22 MINUTES TIME IF I’M ALREADY DEAD?! Stroke me already, dammit!
_____________________________________________________
Stupid Mail # 2
YOUR BDAY MONTH
January———–i kicked
Febuary———–i slapped
March————–i licked
April—————- i bit
May—————-i dreamed about
June—————i held
July—————-i bitch slaped
August————i kissed
September——-i made out with
October———– i slapped
November——– i fcuked
December——–i tapped
- DAY [NUMBER] YOU WERE BORN ON
1——-sponge bob
2——-my friends pants
3——- myself
4——- a cherry
5——-a hobo
6——- p diddy
7——-you
8——- your ass
9——- my TRUE love
10——-a banana
11——-a monkey
12——-my neighbor
13——-a taco
14——-a goat
15——-a football player
16——-a pickle
17——-bigfoot
18——- my boyfriend
19——-a lezbian
20——-a mexican
21——-a ninJa
22——-a fireman
23——-a homo
24——-a gangster
25——-1000 people
26——-a noodle
27——-my best friends boyfriend/girlfriend
28——-a sandwich
29——-a sexy babe
30——-my science teacher
31——-my uncle
- COLOR OF YOUR SHIRT
White——-cuz i keep it gangsta
Black——–cuz im sexy and i do what i
want.
Pink———cuz im in love
yellow———-cuz the voices told me to.
Blue———-cuz i hate myself
Green——–cuz thats how i roll
Purple——–cuz i can
Gray———- cuz dat bitch took my taco
No shrit——–cuz someone offered me
1,000,000
dollars
Orange—-cuz das how i roll.
red——-cuz i was high
Maroon—–cuz i was drunk.
Teal—–cuz it was illegal
Brown—–cuz im emo
Caramel—-cuz Charlie told me too.
Striped——cuz ur mom said so
Repost this as "I…" or else you will
have bad luck for the next 17 year
This chain letter is just something some sad wanker pulled out of his cock during his free time. I mean, sure, it acts as a creative way of telling people your birthday, but who the hell cares what shirt you are wearing at the moment you’re reading this mail? Well guess what? I wasn’t wearing a shirt when I read this mail. Man, people should pay me to ruin other people’s dumbass posts!
____________________________________________________
Stupid Mail # 3
choose ONE of YOUR
FEELINGS
TODAY from
this list and repost it in 200 seconds. OR u’ll
have
the worst week ……
1.i have to pee
2.im excited
3.im bored
4.im stoned
5.im in love
6.i miss someone
7.i want you here with me
8.im depressed
9.i want you back in my life
10.im..mad
11.i don’t care anymore
12.i love someone
13.i’m liking sumone
14.im the red power ranger
15.anything you can do I can do better
16.love sucks
17.i miss the old you
18.i liked the way you were in the beginning
19.i want a kiss
20.i want to make out
21.unlucky
22.im waiting
Owh no!!! Where is the expression for "I want to get laid"?!! I CAN’T FIND IT!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! A bad week ahead of me! Damn… (For the slow, retarded people, I’m being sarcastic!)
I think I’ve made my point for this stupid chain mail.
_________________________________________________________________
Stupid Mail # 4
———————————-
Original message from chang:
>
> ———————————-
> Original message from shereen:
> >
> > ———————————-
> > Original message from norman:
> > >
> > > ———————————-
> > > Original message from trevis:
> > > >
> > > > ———————————-
> > > > Original message from kwan:
> > > > >
> > > > > ———————————-
> > > > > Original message from Bobo:
> > > > > >
> > > > > > ———————————-
> > > > > > Original message from yiran:
> > > > > > > ———————————-
> > > > > > > Original message from ‘-keNgLuN-’:
> > > > > > > >
> > > > > > > > ———————————-
> > > > > > > > Original message from -HoNeY anGeL-:
> > > > > > > > >
> > > > > > > > > ———————————-
> > > > > > > > > Original message from ‘ToKo NeMuRi’:
> > > > > > > > > > ———————————-
> > > > > > > > > > Original message from Lisa:
> > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Original message from friendster users…
> > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > >
> > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Hi, my name is Amy Bruce. I am 7 years old, and I have severe lung cancer from second hand smoke. I also have a large tumor in my brain, from repeated beatings. doctors say I will die soon if this isn’t fixed, and my family can’t pay the bills.The Make A Wish Foundation, has agreed to donate 7 cents for very time this message is sent on. For those of you who send this along, I thank you so much, but for those who don’t send it, what goes around comes around. Have a Heart, please send this. Please, if you are a kind person, send this on. Please hit the FORWARD button
> > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > "NOT" the REPLY button.
Firstly, I’ve been receiving the same message since 2 years ago! Why is this message still in circulation?! I don’t think a child of age 7 could possibly last 2 years with SEVERE lung cancer and a brain tumour to last 2 years without immediate medical attention! What am I trying to say? Simple! THIS MAIL IS BULLSHIT!
Secondly, what 7 year old writes such politically correct English? 7 year olds are just little kids. They know NOTHING! Owh, and by the way, if you are asking a person for a favour, what mentally retarded idiot tries to aggravate the recipient by putting shit like "for those who don’t send it, what goes around comes around"? So in other words, she’s not asking for a favour. She’s forcing a favour out of you. In other words, Amy Bruce is a NAZI!
To all you retards, before you send a mail like this, which claims to contain a tracker and gives money to the sick child each time it is sent, the least you morons could do is use you common sense (or what’s left of it) and do a little research while you are at it. Here are some points I’d so love to highlight:
1) If 7 cents get donated to this Amy Bruce character for each time the mail is sent, why does it tell you NOt to REPLY, but instead, FORWARD? If it has a tracker attached to it, wouldn’t forwarding and replying the mail have the same effect?
2) The friendster bulletin board and messages use a standard coding and text system, which means no attachments can be placed on them (including trackers). But wait… Do imaginary trackers count?
3) The mail is void of any attachments.
4) The Make-A-Wish Foundation does not deal with fund raising through chain letters.
5) 7 year olds don’t usually have many friends, which means that the only people capable of repeatedly beating her are her parents or siblings. So if this point is already highlighted by Amy in her mail, her parents should have been locked up in jail, while Amy is sent to a welfare home, in which it would have became the welfare home’s responsibility to pay for Amy’s treatment. But no, her parents are still conveniently around to be too poor to pay for her medical treatment, but still have the money to spend on cigarettes which is the main cause of Amy’s severe lung cancer to begin with.
6) You’re probably calling me a fucking asshole right about now for mocking a "dying" child. Well guess what? Go to this site, and read for yourself. Then, go look yourself in the mirror, and tell yourself that you have always been a moron!
This is the Make-A-Wish Foundation official letter on Amy Bruce, and all her other "ailing" friends: http://www.wish.org/about/chain_letters
Damn….. I really wish I was making this all up! But I guess we all have to live by facts! You retards won’t believe anything until you see it for yourself, wouldn’t you? So click on that link, and read! Don’t worry, the link is safe!
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Stupid Mail # 5
FW: From Mr Allen Smith (Manager of Friendster )
———————————-
Original message from -WiNnY kAkA-:
>
> ———————————-
> Original message from aDeL:
> >
> > > > > > > ———————————-
> > > > > > > Original message from Angie:
> > > > > > > > > FW: From Mr Allen Smith (Manager of Friendster )
> > > > > > > >
> > > > > > > > > Message: Greetings Friendster users!
> > > > > > > >
> > > > > > > > > Friendster system is getting too crowded!!
> > > > > > > > > We need you to forward this to at least 20
> > > > > > > > > people. I know this seems like a large number,
> > > > > > > > > but we need to find out who is using their
> > > > > > > > > account. If you do not send this to at least 20
> > > > > > > > > Friendster members, we will delete your account.
> > > > > > > > > are actually using their friendster accounts. So if
> > > > > > > > > you are using your account, please pass this e-
> > > > > > > > > mail to every Friendster user that you can. IF YOU
> > > > > > > > > DO NOT PASS this letter to anyone we will delete
> > > > > > > > > your account. Sorry for the inconvenience.
> > > > > > > > > Mr. Allen Smith
> > > > > > > > > Manager, Friendster
> > > > > > > > > Note: This is the true e-mail of Mr. Smith and
> > > > > > > > > this is not scam email like others.
Once again, you retards fail to use your common sense, your human instincts of inquiery, and your EYES! There is a help section in Friendster, and one of the most common topics discusses about this Mr. Allen Smith bullshit. Here’s what’s written in the help section:
FRIENDSTER IS NOT TOO CROWDED=ALLEN SMITH (or whoever)
If you have been forwarded a hoax chain letter from a non-existent Allen Smith in regard to Friendster becoming too crowded and deleting accounts, ignore it. This is a hoax that has been around for nearly two years. Please tell your friends to stop forwarding this hoax announcement. Friendster is not closing. Friendster will make any announcements to members in the alert section of your home page.
But, like usual, you nipple twisters won’t believe a single damn thing I write until you see proof, as you’re afraid that the stuff I write is conveniently pulled out of my ass. It brings me to tears just thinking that I still have a long way to go with a society that does not believe in fact, but believes in sugar-coated, sweet and sour bullshit Chain Mails circulating the Internet, created by anonymous pussies. But that’s okay. 19 year old writers who even have their own PICTURES AND INFORMATION posted online are LESS trustworthy compared to anonymous nobodies who post shit about clowns and ailing kids and Allen Smiths. Well, you can access the help page for this Allen Smith bullshit by clicking on this entire paragraph! That should help some of you retards with impaired vision to get to where the facts are!
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Guidelines on when NOT to send me messages
~ If you want to act cute, and use words like ‘tha’ to replace the word ‘the’, don’t send me anything! You’ll only piss me off!
~ If your mail begins with a ‘FWD:’, delete it, and don’t send it to me or anybody. In fact, if you receive something like that, don’t even open it!
~ If your age consists of a single digit, DON’T SEND ME ANYTHING! YOU KNOW NOTHING!!!
~ If you like using the acronyms like ‘LOL’, do try your best to abstain from sending me anything, not that I have something against the acronym.
~ If you mail has a title ‘I’m doing this because I’m bored’, or anything along that line, you’re only going to give my delete key some exercise. Take the hint.
~ If you’re going to mail me to tell how much it sucks, save it. don’t tell me something I’ve heard all so many times.
~ If your kids are reading this page, and think it’s a bad influence to them, give the little shit a beating instead of sending me mails to complain. Your kids shouldn’t even be in Friendster, as the minimum allowed age is 17. Another reason for you to drive your kid through a wall.
~ If your mail ends with a phrase like "You’re just a sad man who needs to find a better way of expressing your dissatisfaction", you are a dipshit. Quit wasting my time.
~ Never ever tell me to post your mails in this site. If you have something to write, do it in the comments section. If your work were to be so good to begin with, you would have probabaly started your own sute instead of asking me to post an "all so good" piece in my site.
~ If you’re going to send me any home-made videos that, in your context, is "funnier" than the one I placed in my Friendster profile, do everyone a favour, and DON’T SEND IT TO ME OR ANYBODY ELSE! To be on the safe side, format your hard disk, cancel your internet account, and cut off the power to your computer. You have to be dreaming if you think I’m going to post a video of YOU in my profile!
~ If you use a dictionary more than twice when writing a mail to me, you are an idiot. Don’t send me anything! Write it in that geek blog of yours that nobody reads.
~ If you are not going to be specific about MY posts, don’t send me anything. I’ve written 67 articles to date (inclusive of this one), so don’t expect me to remember each and everyone of them. Don’t go sending me stuff like "Yah! I totally agree! he should stop singing!LOL!!!!!11". Stop singing? Who? Children? Ronald McDonald? Rain? Be more specific, dammit!
~ ‘LMAO’ is not an adjective!
~ If your keyboard is only partially functioning, don’t send anything to anybody!
~ If you are going to mail me to ask for technical help, dating tips, cooking recipes, positions in bed, feng shui, astrology, etc…. GO TO HELL! What do you think I am?
That about covers it. I hope these guidelines help you make the right decision the next time you retards intend on sending me something. If not, go to hell. You are not doing me a favour be sending me mail. I’m doing you a favour by deleting them! Have a heart! Make the Internet idiot-free!
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(UPDATE) Replies from readers:
E-mail addresses of senders will not be posted
From: LCL
Hey Caho,
Was reading ur blog link from Friendster and saw this clown killer thing. I think u shd add something, we will have to make assumptions 1st. Assuming that the clown killer story was true, ever wondered who had such a comprehensive knowledge to report the whole incident right from the fact that John read the bulletin the other night to their exact dialogues + the murder details. One explanation was that it was the clown himself who was perhaps observing them since the previous day. However how did he get hold of what John said on the other side of the line?
It’s irony like in the Pirates of The Carribean "No survivors eh? Then were do the stories come from I wonder?"
ChengLye
I can only agree. Now if only all these other idiots who send this stupid chain letters were to think your way, the Internet would be idiot-free. And to all you other people reading this… Yes, my Chinese name is Ca Ho… So don’t ask me anything about it.
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~ Repost this in 5 minutes, or your manhood (or womanhood) assets will fall off, start moving, makes funny noises, and start attacking you ~
If you’re going to mail people, do it with your main e-mail account.