The best online journal in the galaxy

Look up the "Suzie says" section of Galaxie magazine for the fine print for "loud-mouthed hag"

                      

I was flipping through last month’s (or was it this month’s? I forgot) edition of Galaxie magazine, when I came across the "Suzie says" section. She was writing an article about the late Steve Irwin. The late Steve Irwin was fatally pierced through the heart by the barb of a stingray.

            

So what exactly did she write? Well, for starts, she insulted Steve Irwin’s profession as an environmentalist. As I remember, she has a caption which sounds something like this: "When you put yourself in situations by wrestling crocodiles, and pulling yourself out of a shark’s mouth, you are bound to meet this sort of end sooner or later."

This isn’t exactly what she said because I’m writing this out of memory, but it is along that line. This bitch doesn’t know shit because she hardly watches the "Crocodile Hunter" programmes, and yet, she writes shit just for the hell of it. Idiot! As she claims, she only watches the "Crocodile Hunter" programmes when there is nothing on TV, and she is busy flipping through channels. Unlike Steve Irwin, Suzie’s enthusiasm in her work only makes herself look like an idiot.

                     

As if writing the first 2 paragraphs isn’t bad enough already, she write more bullshit that Steve never did during his professional line of work. To summarize all the bullshit in her article into a simpler form, she’s making a joke and mockery of the achievements during Steve’s lifetime. Sometimes, I wonder how the idiots sitting their fat asses high up at the editorial board would approve of such an article on a public magazine!

               

As of that, I have taken the initiative to boycott Galaxie Magazine for the stupid shit that Suzie (Her name’s Suzie Tan, if I’m not wrong. It is written on the first page, under the staff list) has written. This isn’t the first time she’s wrote some crappy shit. The last article that pissed me off was the article she wrote about the movie, "King Kong". In fact, I’m not the only reader that got pissed off with the shit that Suzie writes. Under the letters section, people have sent in mail, complaining about the crap in the "Suzie says" section. But that isn’t of much effect, because Suzie is probably breastfeeding those assholes running the company, in order to be able to continue to write in her own idiot column.

            

The only agreeable part in the entire article is the last sentence, which says "R.I.P.". The second last sentence contradicts her article, when she said "We will miss you, Steve". Wrong! Everybody else will miss Steve except for her! Because if she really does miss Steve Irwin, she wouldn’t make a mockery of his life’s work! Steve Irwin rules! Suzie Tan doesn’t! The concept is that simple!

                  

To everybody else who has read the article Suzie wrote, and disagree with it, drop me a message, and tell me that I’m not alone on this. And while you are at it, considering boycotting Galaxie Magazine as well. Why? Not only because of the crap Suzie writes, but also because the old version of Galaxie Magazine is filled with cool stuff, while the newer versions are filled to the rim with BS. Enough said. $3 for each issue just to read bullshit is definately more than what people should pay.

                              

And if you people are going to compare my articles to Suzie’s articles, here’s something to sleep on. I DON’T charge people $3 to read each new article I post. People read it at their own will, and if they disagree, they send me hate mail or negative comments. After that, they can feel free to boycott my site, which is little of my concern, because it is free to read, and I don’t make a living out of this site anyways.

               

"You are not doing me a favour by reading the stuff on my site! I’m doing you a favour by writing them for you!" (Concentrate on these words)

                  

So, just to end this article, I admit that I have always been a big Steve Irwin fan, and his passing is of a great loss. And here’s a message to everyone else. Stop making those stupid stingray jokes! They are not funny, dammit! Steve Irwin, R.I.P!

                     

STEVE IRWIN! The man, The legend!

                      

~ Steve Irwin fans have started boycotting Galaxie magazines for Suzie’s retarded articles ~

Here’s how you could learn French, and save yourself a shitload of time and money spent in university

               

I thought my last post would have stopped all you retards from sending me anymore crap. I was wrong. I go throungh my inbox, and find this, from a person that thinks I’m a ‘cowardly chicken’:

From :	Eddy Lam <eddyz_2006@yahoo.com>
Sent :	Sunday, October 22, 2006 4:56 PM
To :	i_am_the_dragon87@hotmail.com
Subject :	You are a cowardly chicken

More stupid chain-mails on the Internet; less intelligent people in the world (I’m a genius, you are an idiot!)

                  

Okay, so nowadays, there are more and more morons on the Internet that keep sending me spam, and posting crap on the bulletin board. This is proof that the Internet makes people stupid, and only people with strong minds and personalities (someone like me!) can truly remain sane and intelligent. With the coming of more and more spam on the Internet, the population of morons and retards aren’t getting any less either. Here are a few examples of some of the stupid stuff people post and send:

NOTE: The mails are original, and unchanged! All the way down to the spelling errors!

________________________________________________

                     

Stupid mail # 1

Don’t stop reading
this or
something VERY
BAD will happen to you in exactly 5 hours and
22
minutes. This is extremely freaky. Be careful
what
you open.

During a thunderstorm …

Beth: Hey Ben! Sup?
Ben: Uhhh … nothing much about to go to a
party … haha you?
Beth: Haha nice … uhhh just staying in for the
night.
Ben: I have this huge favor to ask you …
Beth: Yeah … what?
Ben: Can you please come over and watch
my
brother for me? I won’t be able to go if no one
watches him.
Beth: Ughh … well ….
Ben: Please Beth!
Beth: *Sighs* Alright. I’ll be over in a few
minutes.

A few minutes later, Beth arrives at Ben’s
house.

Ben: Hey, thanks so much!
beth: Hehe. No problem. By the way, you look
really nice.
Ben: Thanks! Anyways, here’s my number.
Call
me in about an hour and tell me how
everything is,
okay?
Beth: Alright, bye!

Then Ben left. Beth headed over to Ben’s
younger
brother.

Beth: Hey sport!
John: Hi Beth … I’m really scared …
Beth: Awww … don’t be. I’m here. Lets turn on
some T.V.

As Beth walked over to the T.V. , the lights
suddenly went out. John freaked out and
screamed!

Beth: John, it’s okay. I have a flashlight. Hold
on,
one second. Darn it! The flashlight doesn’t
work!
Uhmmm … okay, okay, lets go up to your
brother’s room. I think he has an extra one.
John: *mumbles* okay.

As Beth and John headed up towards Ben’s
room,
they heard a creepy laughter that brought
chills
up
their spines.

John: *screams* What was that?!
Beth: John stop doing that. Let me call your
brother and ask where the flashlight is.
John: But I didn’t … *Johns voice started to
fade
away …*
Beth: Hey Ben! How’s the party?
ben: Good, thanks! Listen I got to go. Can I
call
you in 5 minutes?
Beth: Sure. But where’s the flashlight in your
room?
Ben: Oh, uhmmm … it’s under my bed, to the
left.
I think.

Beth walks over to Ben’s bed and screams.

Beth: Oh my God!
ben: What happened?!
beth: Oh, hahah. Nothing, I didn’t know you
had a
clown statue in your bedroom. It scared me
half to
death Especially the bloody knife on its hand.
It
looks so real! Where did you get it? Did you
get it
at the Halloween store?
Ben: Beth … I don’t have a clown statue in my
bedroom.

The line quickly goes dead. Ben started
panicing
and raced home as fast as he can. When he
got
home, he ran into his bedroom, where Beth
and
Ben were no where to be seen. He saw his
brother
lying on his bed.

Ben: *rolls his eyes and said to himself* I
can’t
believe Beth would play such an awful trick
on me.

He went and sat down at his computer and
pulled
up myspace. He went into his myspace
account
and checked his bulletins. I noticed that he
had a
random new friend. The profile picture was a
freaky
clown face. That made him freak out a bit.
Then he
saw that the mysterious clown friend had
posted a
bulletin called "Clowning Around". Ben
opened the
bulletin and started to read it. This was the
same
bulletin that he saw last night! He got freaked
out
and didn’t repost it.

Trembling, he got in his bed, next to his
brother
and kissed his cheek good night.

Ben: You can sleep here with me tonight,
Sport.
Good night.

Suddenly, the figure in the bed turned to ben.

Clown: Now its your turn.

Ben let out a high pitch screamed and the
clown
killed him. After the job was done, the clown
threw
Ben under the bed along with Beth and John.

If you don’t repost this in the next 10 minutes,
the
clown will appear by your bed tonight, while
you’re
sleeping and the same ending will happen to
you.

When you repost this "(name of you
school)’s ‘biatch list’. This isn’t a joke

                  

So let me just get to the point here. This is the first clown to actually give enough of a shit about a person’s school. No, seriously! Think about it. The clown kills you if you don’t repost the mail with your school’s name on it. Of all things, why would a clown have any link to the school you are from? And honestly, If they are going to say ‘bitch’, just say it! Pussies! One more highlight: I didn’t re-post this, and it is already at night. so, if I go to sleep after this, the clown will appear and kill me. In that case, HOW IS SOMETHING BAD SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN TO ME IN 5 HOURS AND 22 MINUTES TIME IF I’M ALREADY DEAD?! Stroke me already, dammit!

_____________________________________________________

                   

Stupid Mail # 2

YOUR BDAY MONTH

January———–i kicked
Febuary———–i slapped
March————–i licked
April—————- i bit
May—————-i dreamed about
June—————i held
July—————-i bitch slaped
August————i kissed
September——-i made out with
October———– i slapped
November——– i fcuked
December——–i tapped

- DAY [NUMBER] YOU WERE BORN ON

1——-sponge bob
2——-my friends pants
3——- myself
4——- a cherry
5——-a hobo
6——- p diddy
7——-you
8——- your ass
9——- my TRUE love
10——-a banana
11——-a monkey
12——-my neighbor
13——-a taco
14——-a goat
15——-a football player
16——-a pickle
17——-bigfoot
18——- my boyfriend
19——-a lezbian
20——-a mexican
21——-a ninJa
22——-a fireman
23——-a homo
24——-a gangster
25——-1000 people
26——-a noodle
27——-my best friends boyfriend/girlfriend
28——-a sandwich
29——-a sexy babe
30——-my science teacher
31——-my uncle

- COLOR OF YOUR SHIRT

White——-cuz i keep it gangsta
Black——–cuz im sexy and i do what i
want.
Pink———cuz im in love
yellow———-cuz the voices told me to.
Blue———-cuz i hate myself
Green——–cuz thats how i roll
Purple——–cuz i can
Gray———- cuz dat bitch took my taco
No shrit——–cuz someone offered me
1,000,000
dollars
Orange—-cuz das how i roll.
red——-cuz i was high
Maroon—–cuz i was drunk.
Teal—–cuz it was illegal
Brown—–cuz im emo
Caramel—-cuz Charlie told me too.
Striped——cuz ur mom said so

Repost this as "I…" or else you will
have bad luck for the next 17 year

                  

This chain letter is just something some sad wanker pulled out of his cock during his free time. I mean, sure, it acts as a creative way of telling people your birthday, but who the hell cares what shirt you are wearing at the moment you’re reading this mail? Well guess what? I wasn’t wearing a shirt when I read this mail. Man, people should pay me to ruin other people’s dumbass posts!

____________________________________________________

                        

Stupid Mail # 3

choose ONE of YOUR
FEELINGS
TODAY from
this list and repost it in 200 seconds. OR u’ll
have
the worst week ……

1.i have to pee
2.im excited
3.im bored
4.im stoned
5.im in love
6.i miss someone
7.i want you here with me
8.im depressed
9.i want you back in my life
10.im..mad
11.i don’t care anymore
12.i love someone
13.i’m liking sumone
14.im the red power ranger
15.anything you can do I can do better
16.love sucks
17.i miss the old you
18.i liked the way you were in the beginning
19.i want a kiss
20.i want to make out
21.unlucky
22.im waiting

                     

Owh no!!! Where is the expression for "I want to get laid"?!! I CAN’T FIND IT!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! A bad week ahead of me! Damn… (For the slow, retarded people, I’m being sarcastic!)

I think I’ve made my point for this stupid chain mail.

_________________________________________________________________

                           

Stupid Mail # 4

———————————-
Original message from chang:
>
> ———————————-
> Original message from shereen:
> >
> > ———————————-
> > Original message from norman:
> > >
> > > ———————————-
> > > Original message from trevis:
> > > >
> > > > ———————————-
> > > > Original message from kwan:
> > > > >
> > > > > ———————————-
> > > > > Original message from Bobo:
> > > > > >
> > > > > > ———————————-
> > > > > > Original message from yiran:
> > > > > > > ———————————-
> > > > > > > Original message from ‘-keNgLuN-’:
> > > > > > > >
> > > > > > > > ———————————-
> > > > > > > > Original message from -HoNeY anGeL-:
> > > > > > > > >
> > > > > > > > > ———————————-
> > > > > > > > > Original message from ‘ToKo NeMuRi’:
> > > > > > > > > > ———————————-
> > > > > > > > > > Original message from Lisa:
> > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Original message from friendster users…
> > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > >
> > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Hi, my name is Amy Bruce. I am 7 years old, and I have severe lung cancer from second hand smoke. I also have a large tumor in my brain, from repeated beatings. doctors say I will die soon if this isn’t fixed, and my family can’t pay the bills.The Make A Wish Foundation, has agreed to donate 7 cents for very time this message is sent on. For those of you who send this along, I thank you so much, but for those who don’t send it, what goes around comes around. Have a Heart, please send this. Please, if you are a kind person, send this on. Please hit the FORWARD button
> > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > "NOT" the REPLY button.

                        

Firstly, I’ve been receiving the same message since 2 years ago! Why is this message still in circulation?! I don’t think a child of age 7 could possibly last 2 years with SEVERE lung cancer and a brain tumour to last 2 years without immediate medical attention! What am I trying to say? Simple! THIS MAIL IS BULLSHIT!

Secondly, what 7 year old writes such politically correct English? 7 year olds are just little kids. They know NOTHING! Owh, and by the way, if you are asking a person for a favour, what mentally retarded idiot tries to aggravate the recipient by putting shit like "for those who don’t send it, what goes around comes around"? So in other words, she’s not asking for a favour. She’s forcing a favour out of you. In other words, Amy Bruce is a NAZI!

To all you retards, before you send a mail like this, which claims to contain a tracker and gives money to the sick child each time it is sent, the least you morons could do is use you common sense (or what’s left of it) and do a little research while you are at it. Here are some points I’d so love to highlight:

1) If 7 cents get donated to this Amy Bruce character for each time the mail is sent, why does it tell you NOt to REPLY, but instead, FORWARD? If it has a tracker attached to it, wouldn’t forwarding and replying the mail have the same effect?

2) The friendster bulletin board and messages use a standard coding and text system, which means no attachments can be placed on them (including trackers). But wait… Do imaginary trackers count?

3) The mail is void of any attachments.

4) The Make-A-Wish Foundation does not deal with fund raising through chain letters.

5) 7 year olds don’t usually have many friends, which means that the only people capable of repeatedly beating her are her parents or siblings. So if this point is already highlighted by Amy in her mail, her parents should have been locked up in jail, while Amy is sent to a welfare home, in which it would have became the welfare home’s responsibility to pay for Amy’s treatment. But no, her parents are still conveniently around to be too poor to pay for her medical treatment, but still have the money to spend on cigarettes which is the main cause of Amy’s severe lung cancer to begin with.

6) You’re probably calling me a fucking asshole right about now for mocking a "dying" child. Well guess what? Go to this site, and read for yourself. Then, go look yourself in the mirror, and tell yourself that you have always been a moron!

This is the Make-A-Wish Foundation official letter on Amy Bruce, and all her other "ailing" friends: http://www.wish.org/about/chain_letters

Damn….. I really wish I was making this all up! But I guess we all have to live by facts! You retards won’t believe anything until you see it for yourself, wouldn’t you? So click on that link, and read! Don’t worry, the link is safe!

_____________________________________________________

Stupid Mail # 5

FW: From Mr Allen Smith (Manager of Friendster )

———————————-
Original message from -WiNnY kAkA-:
>
> ———————————-
> Original message from aDeL:
> >
> > > > > > > ———————————-
> > > > > > > Original message from Angie:
> > > > > > > > > FW: From Mr Allen Smith (Manager of Friendster )
> > > > > > > >
> > > > > > > > > Message: Greetings Friendster users!
> > > > > > > >
> > > > > > > > > Friendster system is getting too crowded!!
> > > > > > > > > We need you to forward this to at least 20
> > > > > > > > > people. I know this seems like a large number,
> > > > > > > > > but we need to find out who is using their
> > > > > > > > > account. If you do not send this to at least 20
> > > > > > > > > Friendster members, we will delete your account.
> > > > > > > > > are actually using their friendster accounts. So if
> > > > > > > > > you are using your account, please pass this e-
> > > > > > > > > mail to every Friendster user that you can. IF YOU
> > > > > > > > > DO NOT PASS this letter to anyone we will delete
> > > > > > > > > your account. Sorry for the inconvenience.
> > > > > > > > > Mr. Allen Smith
> > > > > > > > > Manager, Friendster
> > > > > > > > > Note: This is the true e-mail of Mr. Smith and
> > > > > > > > > this is not scam email like others.

                  

Once again, you retards fail to use your common sense, your human instincts of inquiery, and your EYES! There is a help section in Friendster, and one of the most common topics discusses about this Mr. Allen Smith bullshit. Here’s what’s written in the help section:

FRIENDSTER IS NOT TOO CROWDED=ALLEN SMITH (or whoever)

If you have been forwarded a hoax chain letter from a non-existent Allen Smith in regard to Friendster becoming too crowded and deleting accounts, ignore it. This is a hoax that has been around for nearly two years. Please tell your friends to stop forwarding this hoax announcement. Friendster is not closing. Friendster will make any announcements to members in the alert section of your home page.

But, like usual, you nipple twisters won’t believe a single damn thing I write until you see proof, as you’re afraid that the stuff I write is conveniently pulled out of my ass. It brings me to tears just thinking that I still have a long way to go with a society that does not believe in fact, but believes in sugar-coated, sweet and sour bullshit Chain Mails circulating the Internet, created by anonymous pussies. But that’s okay. 19 year old writers who even have their own PICTURES AND INFORMATION posted online are LESS trustworthy compared to anonymous nobodies who post shit about clowns and ailing kids and Allen Smiths. Well, you can access the help page for this Allen Smith bullshit by clicking on this entire paragraph! That should help some of you retards with impaired vision to get to where the facts are!

__________________________________________

                      

Guidelines on when NOT to send me messages

~ If you want to act cute, and use words like ‘tha’ to replace the word ‘the’, don’t send me anything! You’ll only piss me off!

~ If your mail begins with a ‘FWD:’, delete it, and don’t send it to me or anybody. In fact, if you receive something like that, don’t even open it!

~ If your age consists of a single digit, DON’T SEND ME ANYTHING! YOU KNOW NOTHING!!!

~ If you like using the acronyms like ‘LOL’, do try your best to abstain from sending me anything, not that I have something against the acronym.

~ If you mail has a title ‘I’m doing this because I’m bored’, or anything along that line, you’re only going to give my delete key some exercise. Take the hint.

~ If you’re going to mail me to tell how much it sucks, save it. don’t tell me something I’ve heard all so many times.

~ If your kids are reading this page, and think it’s a bad influence to them, give the little shit a beating instead of sending me mails to complain. Your kids shouldn’t even be in Friendster, as the minimum allowed age is 17. Another reason for you to drive your kid through a wall.

~ If your mail ends with a phrase like "You’re just a sad man who needs to find a better way of expressing your dissatisfaction", you are a dipshit. Quit wasting my time.

~ Never ever tell me to post your mails in this site. If you have something to write, do it in the comments section. If your work were to be so good to begin with, you would have probabaly started your own sute instead of asking me to post an "all so good" piece in my site.

~ If you’re going to send me any home-made videos that, in your context, is "funnier" than the one I placed in my Friendster profile, do everyone a favour, and DON’T SEND IT TO ME OR ANYBODY ELSE! To be on the safe side, format your hard disk, cancel your internet account, and cut off the power to your computer. You have to be dreaming if you think I’m going to post a video of YOU in my profile!

~ If you use a dictionary more than twice when writing a mail to me, you are an idiot. Don’t send me anything! Write it in that geek blog of yours that nobody reads.

~ If you are not going to be specific about MY posts, don’t send me anything. I’ve written 67 articles to date (inclusive of this one), so don’t expect me to remember each and everyone of them. Don’t go sending me stuff like "Yah! I totally agree! he should stop singing!LOL!!!!!11". Stop singing? Who? Children? Ronald McDonald? Rain? Be more specific, dammit!

~ ‘LMAO’ is not an adjective!

~ If your keyboard is only partially functioning, don’t send anything to anybody!

~ If you are going to mail me to ask for technical help, dating tips, cooking recipes, positions in bed, feng shui, astrology, etc…. GO TO HELL! What do you think I am?

That about covers it. I hope these guidelines help you make the right decision the next time you retards intend on sending me something. If not, go to hell. You are not doing me a favour be sending me mail. I’m doing you a favour by deleting them! Have a heart! Make the Internet idiot-free!

______________________________________________________

(UPDATE) Replies from readers:

E-mail addresses of senders will not be posted

From: LCL

~ Repost this in 5 minutes, or your manhood (or womanhood) assets will fall off, start moving, makes funny noises, and start attacking you ~

The Fairytale Of Tears has arisen!

I have created a new blog. Unlike the one on Friendster, this new one is one for me to write about my daily life. Serious stuff, and maybe an occasional joke or two. Here’s the URL:

Click to access the site: The Fairytale Of Tears

Here’s the first paragraph of the post:

I’m just so sick of these feelings… They hurt! Why do humans need to feel? Be it joy, sadness, despair, anything for that matter! Why? Most of all, why are humans capable of loving someone? On one hand, loving someone can bring happiness… But on the other hand, What if you love a person, but you are nothing in that person’s eyes?! That’s what I’m facing now…

Like what you see? If you do, do visit. If you don’t, ignore this.

            

P/S: While you people are busily awaiting my next satire post, why not check out this other blog of mine? That’ll keep you people occupied for now. Man, I rule!

                

~ People are not sure whether to access my new site or not, for fear of boredom ~

Here’s what people have to say about my site

                     

Okay, let’s skip the formalities, and get to the things people have to say about my site.

_______________________________________________________

   

James Hetfield says:

"Get my face out of your site, you asshole!"

______________________________________________________

            

Mike Shinoda says:

"Your site totally rocks!"

_______________________________________________________

                      

KISS says:

"This site is crap! We don’t understand a single damn thing in it."

_______________________________________________________

                           

Britney Spears says:

" This site rocks, but I ain’t letting my babies visit it in the future"

______________________________________________________

                   

Kevin Federline says:

"Do you have any job listings in here?"

__________________________________________________________

                     

Some fans say:

"This site rawks!"

_________________________________________________________

                           

James Hetfield says (again):

"I thought I fucking told you to take my face of your fucking site, you fucking asshole!"

_______________________________________________________

                              

~ Many anonymous pussies have sent me bad reviews ~

New bullshit chain mail

               

As the title suggests, I’ve come across a couple of junk chain e-mails which people post on the bulletin board. I wouldn’t be making such a big deal out of it if only one or two people posted it. But the thing is, I keep seeing different Friendster users posting this crap. It’s such a bloody pain in the ass! Reading these stupid bulletin posts is like being cum shot on the face with bullshit! Here they are: _______________________________________________________

                  

Stupid chain mail #1

                  

Title: Why sex hurts for girls

Message: Okay, so on the news
yesterday
there
was a girl
who
submitted a tape and it was a phone
conversation
between a girl and her boyfriend. This is
how is
went…

Amber: Ronny, are you gonna come over
tomorrow
to meet my mom? Like I said before, she
really
wants to meet you.

Ronny: Of course, honey. I know how
much this
means to you. When would you like me
to come
over?

Amber: How about 6-ish? Hey Ronny,
what’s that
tapping sound?

Ronny: What?! I don’t hear anything…
You’re
probably imagining things, sweetheart.

Amber: Quit joking around, Ronny!! Stop
making
that
noise. It’s getting louder!

Ronny: I don’t joke, you should know that
by
now… I
love you so much, and I would never lie
to you…

Amber: It’s starting to hurt my ears!!!!!
How can you
NOT hear that?! Hold on, there’s
someone at the
door… I’ll be right back! Don’t miss me
too much!

****She answers the door and sees Ronny
standing
there, holding a knife and a phone…

Ronny: Hey, honey… I’ve missed you…

****He slaughtered Amber and when her
parents
came at six the next day he killed them
too.

If you don’t repost this bulletin in two
hours, Amber
will crawl out from under your bed in your
sleep
and
murder you. The last thing you will see
are her
rotting
eyes and the phone…still in her hand
and repost
this
with the title "Why sex hurts for girls"

                                     

Great, so some idiot comes up with a stupid post with a stupid title, just for the pleasure of frightening the shit out of little girls. I can’t stand this type of stupid shit anymore! Why sex hurts for a girl? Look it up in online encyclopedias, dammit!

The thing that surprises me about this e-mail is the fact that the creator of this crap made it sound like the phone and the girl’s rotting eyes were of some significance. Well guess what?!

Well, assuming that this stupid s-mail (s-mail stands for shit mail, so stop telling me I made a typo error, you morons!) really is true, this Amber girl is going to get a real kick in the ass. Why? Because I don’t sleep on a bed. I sleep on a matress. I’d like to see her crawl her ass out from underneath that! One more thing, though. This stupid s-mail claims that if you don’t repost it in within 2 hours, Amber will crawl out from under your bed IN YOUR SLEEP and murder you, and the last thing you’ll see are her rotting eyes and the phone. Now, how exactly are you able to see her eyes and phone if you’re asleep in the first place? Minus the fact that the person who created this s-mail and the people dumb enough to repost it are morons, we can all safely assume that Amber will take the time to wake you up before murdering you.

Besides, what is she going to use to murder you? Because the last objects you see are her rotting eyes and phone, there is clearly no weapon like a knife or a gun. In other words, she’s going to club you to death with her phone. This Amber girl really has alot of free time in her hands, presumably that she’s already dead.
Amber, shut up and blow me, bitch!

_______________________________________________________

                        

Stupid chain mail #2

             

You have 2 minutes to
repost
this!!….If
you don’t u
will be single until you’re 45.

No joke! . . . P u t . . .

Cherry- (if you’re taken by someone and love it)

Kiwi- (if you’re single & hate it)

Orange- (If you’re a stripper)

Banana- (if you’re confused)

Watermelon- (wish you can go back in time)

Apple- (if your single and loving it)

Grape-(if your a ninja)

Mango-(if your pregnant)

Strawberry- (if you want or like someone)

Star Fruit- (if youre so freaking awesome)

Durian - (if you’re single & ready to mingle)

Pear - (if you’re horny)

Melon- (if youre hating someone)

                           

Don’t people have anything better to do anymore!? What does an orange have to do with being a stripper? What does a banana have to do with being confused? And what has mangoes got to do with being pregnant? ANSWER ME, DAMMIT!

I would just like to say that ninjas are bloody cool, and associating them to grapes is the same as associating Professor Stephen Hawkings to peanuts. Man, people should pay me to ruin other people’s e-mails. What’s so ninja about grapes anyway? Ninjas creep up at you from the dark, and *SLASH*! Your head comes off with a single clean swipe of the katana. Just a severed head, a body, and a pool of blood. Nothing more! What do grapes do? They get caught in your throat and choke you to death. Even worse, your face turns blue from the lack of oxygen when you die. THAT SUCKS!

One more fruit that caught my eye in the list is the pear. What do pears have to do with feeling horny? Look it up in the internet. Pears aren’t even aphrodesiacs. You know what pears are good for when you are feeling horny? Hammering your cock with it, till the pain seeps in and your cock becomes flacid. Damn, I hate people!

I don’t even want to talk about the stupid grammar in this s-mail. Actually, it has become quite common nowadays for people to use the word ‘your’ when they are trying to say ‘you are’. Idiots. I wonder why some people at the internet provider companies are working overtime to keep these idiots online. Internet provider companies should come up with a new idiot filter, where not only stupid idiots who can’t spell are not allowed on the internet, it automatically reformats their computer too. It is spelt ‘you’re’ when you are trying to say ‘you are’, as in "YOU’RE pissing me off by posting these stupid bullshit!".

_______________________________________________________

                            

~ U ppl r relly pssing mi off wth ur stpidty, lck of cmmon sens, wrng spelings, n stpid grmmar! ~

WebMarshal has filtered out my site. Pussies…

             

Well, I had one or two complaints via e-mail previously, telling me that they can’t access my site because some bullshit web filter filtered out my site. I brushed it off, thinking "how bad can it be?". It can. I tried accessing my site from a cyber cafe recently, and the same stupid crap filtered out my site. Here’s what was displayed when I tried to access my site:

                              

Access to http://leon_ng.blogs.friendster.com/shattered_glass/ has been blocked by WebMarshal?/font>

                  

Text download (TEXT, 454590 bytes) was restricted by the text censor rule ‘Scan and block pornographic content’.

                           

~TextCensor Script ‘Pornography‘ triggered with total weighting of 21: Expression ‘disease OR medicine’ triggered 1 times, weighting -1

~ Expression ‘doctor OR surgeon OR surgery’ triggered 1 times, weighting -1 Expression ‘(breasts OR breast) AND NOT (cancer OR anatomy OR physiology)’ triggered 1 times, weighting 2

~Expression ‘(cum OR cumm) FOLLOWEDBY=2 (all over OR on) FOLLOWEDBY=4 (face OR faces)’ triggered 1 times, weighting 2

~ Expression ‘(hot OR hottest) FOLLOWEDBY (chicks OR girls OR babes OR sex OR teens OR women OR ladies OR teen)’ triggered 1 times, weighting 2

~ Expression ‘(lesbian OR lesbians) AND (teen OR teens OR action OR nude OR nudes)’ triggered 1 times, weighting 1

~ Expression ‘(pussy OR pussies) AND (sex OR lesbian OR lesbians OR slut OR sluts)’ triggered 1 times, weighting 1

~ Expression ‘boner’ triggered 1 times, weighting 2

~ Expression ‘cock‘ triggered 1 times, weighting 1

~ Expression ‘cock AND tits’ triggered 1 times, weighting 1

~ Expression ‘cock AND tits AND (nude OR sex)’ triggered 1 times, weighting 1

~ Expression ‘cum OR cumm’ triggered 1 times, weighting 2

~ Expression ‘cunts’ triggered 1 times, weighting 2

~ Expression ‘dildo’ triggered 1 times, weighting 2

~ Expression ‘fuck’ triggered 1 times, weighting 2

~ Expression ‘fucking’ triggered 1 times, weighting 2 

                        

Contact your WebMarshal administrator if you need access to this site for business purposes. Your Logon: HH05 WebMarshal Server: CYBERCONSOLE (Version: 3.5.3.30)

                              

Normally, I wouldn’t be making such a big fuss about some bullshit close-minded company who came up with stupid web filters like this that blocks out words like ‘hot chick’ and ‘doctors, surgeons, and surgery’. But the only problem was, in that very cyber cafe itself, people were cussing away in the online games that they play, and I even noticed one faggot accessing a porn site (if you’re gonna ask me why I noticed it was a porn site, it’s because a pair of a girl’s enormous assets on a wide computer screen is very hard to miss).

                   

Okay, so what the hell is going on? Some bullshit programme filters out a site which is basically made up of some author writing bullshit during his free time, but it grants access to pictures of pornography as long as those words aren’t present? Hey, to all you assholes working for WebMarshal! If you’re going to clean up anything on the internet associated with bullshit or pornography, might I remind you that you missed a spot containing hundreds of thousands of porn, rape, SM, violence, man-slaughter, animal abuse, gay porn, and bukake sites. Great job!

                        

What truly amazes me is that WebMarshal described my site as ‘Pornographic’. It’s not pornographic, you fuckers! It’s SATIRE! There! A new word for you to add to you filter’s limited vocab! Morons.

                     

All those other expressions that were filtered out are also bullshit! Imagine if a college or university student needs to conduct a research on medicines and diseases, and he/she needs to obtain some material/info from the internet. But they don’t have a computer at home, so they need to rely on the cyber cafe to obtain the mentioned materials, but instead, they get screwed in the face with a text that tells them that the expression for medicene and diseases is not allowed. Well, guess what, you WebMarshal cocks. Your stupidity may cause people to fail their assignment. Fuck off already, dammit!

                              

They shouldn’t even be placing a ban on my site. Why? Because I don’t force people to pay in order to access my site. And because people don’t pay for it, that means they come to my site either on their own free will, curiosity, or just being plain bored and have nothing better to do and reading some of my articles to pass the time. I would like to emphasize that if people come on their own free will, they should be granted their freedom to access my site. But these assholes at WebMarshal think otherwise. Hey assholes! What are you people trying to do? Protect kids from being exposed to negative influence? Are you morons trying to remove all the negative bullshit from the world? How about negative influence from the media, all the celebrity break-ups and make-ups, and all those saucy make out scenes? Maybe you fuckers should put one of your filters into the media too! Owh, and while you’re at it, why not burn down all entertainment and pornographic magazines, books, comics, DVDs, VCDs, karaoke centres, hooker joints, red light districts, pubs, hospitals, and just about anywhere else that has any of the negative shit stated above. Go fuck yourselves already, you WebMarshal twits! But then again, that’s probably what they’re doing to pass the time.

                           

Well, I guess that with webMarshal on the job, parents can sleep easy knowing that millions of hardcore porn, rape, violence, incest, man-slaughter, and McDonalds websites pose little threat to their kids when compared to a guy that writes bullshit in his online journal. To all you people/animals working at WebMarshal, don’t worry about all those sites mentioned above which your filters happened to miss. Satire websites should be your main priority. Irresponsible parents that don’t give enough of a hit about their kids will thank you for it.

                     

Have a nice they, you pious fucks.

                            

~ WebMarshal’s filters are most likely to block out this article under the reason of ‘exposing the truth’ ~

Here’s a few reasons for you to cry during the movie ‘The Village’

                     

Now, before I watched the movie ‘The Village’ by M. Night Shyamalan, I’ve heard a few people telling me what a good and touching story (to the point where they teared in the eye) it is, and crap like that. Well, recently I got to watch the movie on DVD at my school, and WHAM!! Bullshit in my face. The funny thing is, I’ve seen more touching stories than that. So why cry over such a shitty story? Well, I thought about it, and came up with a list of reasons for people to cry during the movie. So here goes:

                        

1) You realized that you spent $10 to piss away 2 hours of your life watching some bullshit movie movie when the time can be spent doing something productive (like sleeping).

   

2) It came to you 20 minutes into the movie that M. Night Shyamalan raped you and all the other jackasses in the cinema out of $10 each, and he is enjoying a flourishing life while you walk out of the cinema feeling like an idiot.

         

3) You find out in the end that there are no monsters at all.

         

4) You used too much washing detergent to cleanse your eyes of the bullshit you just saw.

            

5) You remembered that you pissed away 2 hours of your life.

         

6) You realize that if 3 million people saw the movie once, each wasting 2 hours of their lives, a total of 6 million hours have been wasted. Now assuming an average person lives up to to 80 years, that is a total of 29200 days, or 700800 hours. 8 lives have been wasted watching this movie. M. Night Shyamalan has effectively murdered 8 people this way. (Not exactly a reason to cry, but it is to a sap that saw The Village in the first place)

         

7) You realize that the money used to produce the movie is enough to actually put an exact same village somewhere on earth for people to lead the same lifestyle as that which is depicted in the movie, and that you would have rather paid to go see the real thing.

                        

You know everybody will die someday, and seeing the main actor get stabbed in the belly, and the main retard falls into a deep hole and dies, puts your own impending doom into perspective.

                  

9) You realize that you don’t give enough of a shit about the people that live in a village and are not allowed to have anything red for fear of attracting non-existant monsters from the forest, the fugly female characters, and that you can’t get a refund for your ticket.

               

10) You are a friggin’ idiot for watching ‘The Village’, and you know it!

                            

Warning! This post contains spoilers!

                     

~ People regret watching this bullshit excuse of a show~

This one goes out to all your crazy frog lovers

Okay, so here’s the deal. I was riding the LRT train (which stands for Light Rapid Transit, in case you’re an idiot who doesn’t know crap) the other day, when at one station, a fat man with the biggest tits I’ve ever seen, stepped into the train. the only problem is, the train is packed, and having a fat guy like him walk into the train didn’t help. But I’m not complaining about his body mass. Instead, I’m gonna complain about two things that ought to be wiped out from the face of this earth. They’ll come as this post progresses, so be patient, and keep your ass on the chair.

                        

Anyways, as I was saying, chunky guy walks in, stands in crowded train, heading towards destination. Well, couple of stations later, the dude’s phone rang, and guess what? Dings, Dangs, and Dongs were heard coming out of that pocket of his. If he were to have answered it quickly, it would have been a gift to everyone. But instead, he fumbled around for nearly 2 minutes, trying to get his hand into his pocket to grab the phone. Damn, that was annoying!

                         

Up to this point, if you think I’m complaining about the fat dude, think again. I’m complaining about this stupid Crazy Frog shit that everybody is listening to nowadays. What the hell is wrong with you people? As if listening to it isn’t enough, you people insert that dumbass music into your mobile phones, PDAs, computers, and just about anything else where foreign objects can be inserted into. The next person with their mobile set to Crazy Frog ringtone is going to need a hydraulic crane to pry the phone out of their ass! If I wanted my day filled with dumbass ding dongs and stupid shrieking techno crap, I’d go clubbing with hookers. Thanks to technology, all my favourite songs are drowned by bullshit that people dance to, because they think it makes them hip. Go to hell already, dammit!

                               

I can’t even figure out why people like Crazy Frog. If that kind of music is what people in the future will always listen to, I’d be the next Vincent Van Gogh, but with a slightly better twist. I’d cut off both my ears, instead of just one, like what Vincent did. Vincent Van Gogh’s paintings are kick ass, by the way. Back to the root topic, I sometimes wonder which idiot creates such a thing as Crazy Frog anyway? A blue coloured frog with no pants, and a big mouth with teeth is bad enough. but they decide to add a little extra to it. They give the ugly thing a little, clearly visible penis. WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE THESE DAYS?! Owh, and just for the record, Crazy Frog music videos are aired on public television. So, what impression are people trying to give to little kids these days? That it is okay to go around with your private parts exposed, and make stupid noises everywhere you go? Answer me, dammit!

                     

Okay, now here comes the second thing to bitch about. I should have known better than to enter a train with McDonalds vinyls covering the entire carriage (the very same day I encountered the guy with the Crazy Frog ringtone). Why? Because the whole train is a bloody advertisement for McDonalds’ new products. After leaving every station, a woman’s voice comes over the PA system to inform passengers of the next station. After that, an advertisement played over it. A woman in the ad starts promoting McDonalds’ new recipe chicken foldover (by new recipe, they probably mean a recipe with more MSG, which probably makes it taste like my scrotum), and their brand new spicy beef foldover (which probably also tastes like my scrotum with some Tobasco sauce on it).

                        

BIG DEAL! So what if they have two new products?! Do they have to play things on the PA system that goes: "Please refrain from biting the chicken patty on the wall. There is a Mcdonalds just across the road in Amcorp Mall at the next stop!". Now look here. If you people running the McDonalds administration want to promote your new products, the least you could do is make it sound logical. Which idiot bites patties printed on the wallpaper?! If there really were a person who attempts to bite food printed on wallpapers, that person shouldn’t even be allowed on the train in the first place. Either that, or he/she should be quarantined in a nut house. And please, spare us all. If you people wanna air your ads, do it on the radio, and not in the train, playing at every stop! For everyones’ sake and sanity, dammit!

                            

I’m tired of all these bullshit from Crazy Frog, to McDonalds’ stupid ads, to dumbass techno Chicken Little dance music! I’m going to do something less annoying like saturate my scrotum with MSG and Tobasco sauce.

                        

~ Chicks are buying McDonalds’ new product just to get a feel of how my nut bag tastes like ~

Rain is a pain in the ass

                     

NO, I am not talking about the natural phenomenon of water drops falling down from the sky!

I’m talking about this guy! Rain: Evil shit!

                                     

First and foremost, I would like to address his fans: GO TO HELL! Next, I’d like to address him (if he knows what’s good for him): STOP SINGING AND WEARING GAY CLOTHING, you gay twat! I don’t want to hear your music, or see you reveal your chest through those strange clothes you wear! You make me sick!

                        

Rain’s clothing looks like something that was pulled out of his cock. I can’t even begin to wonder why some girls find him "hot", or like his overly emotional and jerky "music". Note that I’m using the words "hot" and "music" very very very very VERY loosely here. His music sounds like an old man shoveling spoonfuls of bullshit into your ear, and then compressing it. His music is a mixture of sadness, stress, pity, screeching, and wailing. It’s just so good to torture people with. He sounds like he’s squeeling out in self-orgasm!

                        

I turned on the TV the other day, and saw this video clip of his. It’s called "It’s Raining". Pretty smart, dumbass! when you can’t think of a cool name for a song, why not just name it after yourself? Anyways, it was the end of the video clip (thankfully), and then the host of the show pops up, and said something that sounded like "That was the all so emotional Rain, with his lovely song, It’s Raining!". EMOTIONAL? If screeching is considered emotional, then I think I would have generated hell of alot of emotion if I aired a sound clip of me scratching a fork and knife on a porcelian plate for 3 minutes! Ever emotional Rain my ass! I’ve had more emotions from taking a 5 minute piss after having a night’s long fuck! *Sarcasm*

                         

Apparently, Rain is honoured by Times Magazine as one of the top 100 most influential people to shape our world. Influential? I guess that’s what you call it when you leave the music industry to people as flippantly as you would give a lawn-mower! Saying Rain is influential to the world is like saying wanking isn’t the right thing to do. Apart from that stupid bullshit he calls music which he uses to brainwash women into going to bed with him, what exactly the hell has he done for the world? You’d probably think that with Rain being in the top 100 most influential people list, he’d be able to do something magneficent, like cure erectile dysfunction with the touch of his hands or something. But no, all he does is sing shitty music. And some people still have the guts to call him the Asian Usher or Asian Justin Timberlake. I would personally call him The Jay Chou of Korea! Why? Because the both of them can’t sing shit!

                        

What truly amuses me is the fact that no other performer can be as much a boring, uncreative, sappy sack of chips as Rain! His first solo concert in Japan is entitled "Rainy Day in japan". Subsequently, his first solo concert in the United States is entitled "Rainy Day in New York". And, his 3 albums are titled "Rain vol.1 - Bad Guy", "Rain vol.2", and "Rain vol.3 - It’s Raining". Damn, man! I’ve seen more creativity from a 3 year old kid with a rock and a box of cigars. Must everything he do have to have something associated with rain? Sure, he’s naming everything after himself. But seriously, narcissism has its limits, you uncreative pile of bull. So much for Top 100 Most Influential people.

                      

I don’t even want to talk about his two Korean dramas, which are "Full House", and "A Love To Kill". Too much bullshit! more than i can handle. Perhaps Rain should name one of those dramas after himself. It should be called "A Love To Kill Rain"! Rain makes me sick. If you are a fan of Rain’s, you are nothing but a pussy with extra hair! A loser. A sap. A sad shit.

                              

UPDATE:

REPLIES TO THIS POST. (I will post all replies from readers about Rain in this section)

               

From: Yuffie Silver

I HAVE to admit,his fashion sense (or his stylist’s) is too weird.Honestly,he should fire his stylist but his songs are pretty okay and I’m not into Korean songs anyway.He can’t speak English that well (I watched him performed in TRL once,he’s okay but he answered most of his fan questions in Korean and some of his fans are not even Korean).His voice is a bit like John Mayer,only that John Mayer’s voice is better.

P.S : At least he’s not chosen as one of the People’s Hottest Bachelors of 2006.

                     

I can only agree.

__________________________________________

From: Joanne

hello?! i happen to be one of rain’s biggest fan!!
excuse me but i think a guy’s definition of "sexy"
and a girl’s defiition of "sexy" is extremely
different!
so it’s a definite no-no for a guy to judge
another guy through his looks !! *gaaahh…
-horrified-
lolz. nothing against you but it just happens that
i so dont agree on your opinion that rain is "not
hot????", and, no i dun deserve to go to hell…
*wails*
btw i think he looks so damn good dancing on his
"its raining" video that he deserves to be korea’s
sexiest man!! girls go crazy over him on trl man!
haha.. and his clothes! well, as they say,
"if you have it , FLAUNT it! "
i dont know about you, but i think he has got
enough sexy muscles to show it off…
i am definitely up for him anytime hehe..

                  

So, a girl’s defination of sexy is to show off as much of a muscular chest as possible. I’ll try and remember that, but then again, there’s no point for a flat-chested, non-celebrity guy like me to do that now, isn’t it?

____________________________________________

I’ll be waiting for more replies.

                         

~ People think I am more influential than Rain ~